Home is wherever I’m with you

This is a response to a prompt my teacher gave in class and I felt like it was so powerful of an idea that I just had to share it 🙂

 

I’ve always been told I’m wise beyond my years. Coming from a broken family forced me to grow up and mature faster than some of my siblings. Through the years I’ve had countless “homes”. I’ve lived with different members of my family at different times, I’ve lived with my boyfriend for a few nights at a time, and I lived here at college with some of my best friends. But in every aspect of my life home is different. I’ve had amazing memories in some homes, and I’ve had some horrific ones. The one key factor that never changes is the people around me.

When I was a very young child, I lived in my grandparents house. I shared a room with my mother right down the hall from my Uncle, his high school girlfriend and my two loving grandparents. Whenever I visit there I have a sense of home that is very strong with me. Just the smell of the house, as I walk in the door can make everything on my mind disappear. The soft feel of the carpet beneath my toes, the hard board you can feel in the middle of the couch that has always been there, and the endless amount of snack that Geegum buys specifically for each person. The whole atmosphere is just relaxing, but there is one thing that has always bothered me about it. It only feels that way when others are around. I’ve spent nights there alone, and it fills my heart with a sense of loneliness. Almost like it’s not home if they aren’t around. The idea of losing my grandparents some day is the scariest thing to me. Not only because they are my best friends, but they are my home. My Geegum or Grandmother is now the oldest living relative in our bloodline on her side of the family. Just this past winter we had an older family member pass away, and she looked at me and said “I guess I’m next”. After that, I had to leave the room. The idea of events like thanksgiving dinner or our Christmas eve party just don’t seem possible without her. She is the heart of the family. Without her, I wouldn’t know where my next home would be.

This idea came to me around senior year of high school. My family experienced a house fire where we lost everything we owned. I went to school in the morning with a bedroom full of belongings, and by lunchtime, all I owned was what was in my book bag and locker. It was really emotional because it was about ten days before Christmas. My mother had lost all of the gifts she bought for family and friends, we no longer had ornaments or a tree from years of traditions, and we had no home to go to. This really drove home the idea that a home wasn’t a place for me anymore; it was the people around me. There were hundreds of people within our community that donated things to our family. Some we knew, most we did not, but these people wanted us to know that they were there to help. I soon learned that not only did my family make me feel at home, but so did the community that I lived in. As a student that was part of the music programs, the people involved with that made sure I had clothes, food, supplies for school, things for my music programs, and that I didn’t lose sight of my happiness in such a tragedy. My one director paid to take me on the Broadway trip to New York City with the musical cast because he didn’t want me to miss out just because my family was now very tight on finances. To this day that is one of the kindest things anyone has done for me. Those people in the community didn’t want us to feel like we were on our own. The made us feel just as at home as when we had a physical home.

This lead to the second time I lived with my grandparents, except this time a little different. Now my sister and I shared that room, my littlest sister and her father shared my uncle’s old room, my mother slept downstairs in the living room, and my grandparents were still down the hall. I wasn’t at home, after growing up somewhere and knowing this house as my grandparents it no longer felt like my home, but I was home because my family was there. Now living in our current house almost four years later, I don’t consider that my home. For most of that time, I have lived here in Lock Haven. I spent two years in a residence hall and have now spent two years in my own apartment with my best friend. Moving around hasn’t given me a concrete home in Lock Haven, but surrounding myself with loving and caring friends has. During breaks I find myself missing my roommates not the place. I miss the sense of fun and love we all share while becoming the adults we’re learning to be. My boyfriend is the same way. I have only lived with him for short times, but for a long time, he has been my home. With him, I feel safe and loved and like nothing else matters. I can be anywhere with him, or my sisters, or my best friends, and still feel perfectly at home.

I look at it this way; “home” and my house are two completely different things. My house it the physical place where my family or friends live, but it would be nothing if they weren’t there. When you move, but drive by your old neighborhood, you don’t say “hey, there’s my old home” most of the time you say it’s your old house. I think that your home is something you can never lose. Yes, people may pass, but that doesn’t mean that your home is gone. When my Geegum is gone, it’s not like I’m going to lose my home. I’ll just have to adapt my idea of home with her as a memory. When I’m a mother, the whole idea of home is going to change when my world becomes about a child. Every day my home is different, but what matters to me is that the people I consider home, the community I consider home, the love that I consider home will always be there. To me, my home will always be in my heart, and no one will ever take that from me.

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What to carry in a “Going Out” bag

When I was getting ready to go to New York for new years eve I was very careful to pack my small bag with everything essential, and it was actually really helpful. No, I didn’t use everything but I’m glad I had it just in case. I was actually surprised how much I fit in this bag.

  1. My Wallet: I didn’t take my full sized wallet because that would had never fit in my bag. So I chose a smaller change purse that was Vera Bradley. In there I took cash, my debit card, my ID, and my health insurance card because you never know what going to happen.
  2. Beauty Products: I took a small pouch in with emergency beauty products like..
    1. Band-aids
    2. Summer’s Eve wipes to go
    3. ELF oil blotting sheets
    4. A floss/toothpick
    5. Hair tie
    6. Bobby-pins
  3. Make-up: I brought a few make-up items because I was gonna be away for 24 hours
    1. Eyeliner
    2. Concealer
    3. Mascara
    4. Face powder/Brush
  4. Mirror: Because your phone camera doesn’t always work
  5. Hand Sanitizer: Becuase New York City haha
  6. Rollerball Perfume: After hour 7 I was glad I had something to freshen up
  7. Ipod/Iphone: I took my phone and an Ipod just to ensure I wouldn’t run out of battery
  8. Headphones/Dongel: Duh!
  9. External Charger
  10. Our party Tickets
  11. Our Train tickets
  12. Comb
  13. Hairband: Incase I wanted to switch to an updo
  14. Ibuprofen: This saved me and my boyfriend at about 3 am!

New York is always a hard trip, especially when you’re running on no sleep so I was thankful to have packed everything to make our trip successful!

NYE OOTN

So for New Years Eve my boyfriend, his brother, and sister in law and I went to New York City (look for a post later) so obviously I had to look great!

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I wore my favorite Celebrity Pink skinny jeans, some cute black booties my mom got me for Christmas, a nice mauve strappy tank from Charlotte Russe, with a plain black cardigan, and a silver Nine West crossbody bag that belongs to my baby sister! I was super comfy yet cute AF!

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Look for more NYE posts like “What to carry in a Night Out bag” and “My NYE in NYC experience” along with other post coming soon! Happy New Year Everyone!!fullsizerender-jpg-15

Day 21: What is one of your favorite TV shows and why?

My Favorite TV show is a hard choice to make. I love so many shows of different genres. One TV shows that I can watch no matter how many times I’ve seen it is How I Met Your Mother. I  just stumbled upon it a few years ago and instantly became obsessed. I then made my boyfriend watch the entire series, and before the series ended Joel and I would watch it every week. I don’t know what it is about HIMYM but I love it. I love the actors and characters they play so much.

Day 19: What’s your biggest regret in life

My biggest regret in life is not telling people how much they mean to me. I constantly think about my Aunt that pass when I was 10 and often wonder if she really knew how much she meant to me. She wasn’t just someone who would get me the things my mother said no to, she wasn’t just the owner of the purse I dumped out on the floor every sundy to examine the contents, she wasn’t just someone who I expected toys from every time she came to nan’s to do laundry,  she wasn’t just someone whose stuff I thought was cool to play with, and I often wonder if she knew that.. Yes, she did all of those things and much more for me. She introduced me to photography, which I still love, she taught me to follow my dreams, no matter how crazy they may seem, and she did all of that while still seeming like the coolest person in the entire world to me. And my biggest regret is that as a young child I never thanked her for everything she did. Sure I probably said please and thank you, and I love you whenever I saw her but did that really tell her how much she meant to me. Would she believe that I carry around a simple pin that she made in college, or that I got and image of that pin permanently tattooed on my body along with her signature. Would she believe that when I feel at my absolute lowest, and I have nowhere else to turn, all I wish I could do was talk to her… I don’t know. I’ll never be able to know. And that is why not expressing how much someone means to me is my biggest regret. I’m still really bad at this as a young adult, I’ve had people walk out of my life without me letting them know how I feel, but her..  My aunt, is the one that I still 11 years later, regret the most…

***Don’t forget to check out Bubbly Bubbie Blog tomorrow for Day 20: How important do you think education is?***

Day 17: List your highs and lows in the past year

For some reason, the year 2016 has been made into a meme of lows for everyone, but when I really look back on it, it’s hard to find lows for myself. I had a lot of great things happen for me.

  • I turned 21 and had an amazing birthday weekend with some of my very best friends
  • I got a new baby sister Addie
  • I successfully took two summer courses while working crazy hours and still managing to find time for fun
  • I took on driving
  • I’m finishing out probably one of the most successful semesters I’ve had since like sophomore year of high school
  • I’ve spent tons of time with the people that mean the most to me in life

That’s just to name a few things… Finding lows is really hard because all of my lows are in my head… There was a point this past year where I really shut everyone out. I spent hours on the phone with my little sister just telling her everything I was thinking and feeling. Things I probably wouldn’t dare tell anyone else. I got to a point where I felt like I couldn’t talk to my friends, my boyfriend, or even my mom because just no one understood me but my sister, and honestly I don’t think she understood either. Really I just think she tried to understand because she was worried about me. All this began happening around the same time I kind of stopped writing my blog… I didn’t know how to express my emotions without feeling vulnerable to people who personally knew me and read my blog. I don’t know if it was my relationship being a little rocky, or school just draining me of all my effort, or even things being tense with my mother for a bit, but I just wasn’t myself. This would probably be the biggest low I’ve had in a long time, not even knowing who I was, what I wanted, where I wanted to go with my life, who my friends were. All of these things were right in front of me, but my own dark cloud over my head wouldn’t let me see it.

I wouldn’t trade the people in my life for anything in the world! I have an amazing family who love me to death, I have a boyfriend whose been through hell and high water with me, his family that treats me like the daughter they never had, and some of the best friends a girl could ask for (some who even read my blog when they see it;)) I know I was a bit moody, and not myself, but I wanna thank all of you, Mom, Alisyn, Joel, Lauren, and bunches of others for loving me until I was through exploring myself and being all meh.

I’d say my biggest high was having all of these people here to get me through the low, whether they know they did or not!

***Don’t forget to check out Bubbly Bubbie Blog tomorrow for Day 18: What book could you read over and over again***

Day 15: 15 interesting facts about yourself

Oh goodness 15 interesting facts about me…How about we just make it 15 random questions!

1.What’s a nickname only your family calls you? Scoob, J, Bug, Sissy
2.What’s a weird habit of yours? I love getting the sock fuzzies from between my toes at the end of the day and I can’t go to bed unless I do
3.Do you have any weird phobias? I do not like tube waterslides for fear that my tube will come out from under me and I will be stuck in the tube slide
4.What’s a song you secretly LOVE to blast && belt out when you’re alone? Gotta Find You from the Camp Rock soundtrack
5.What’s one celebrity you wish you could be? Carrie Underwood duh!
6.What’s one of your nervous habits? I bite the insides of my mouth when I’m overwhelmed or nervous about something
7.What side of your bed do you sleep on? I sleep mostly in the middle but on the left side of my body
8.What was your first stuffed animal && it’s name? I know she wasn’t my first by my stuffed white cat Crystal is the first one I remember
9. What’s drink you always order at starbucks? Iced passion tea with lemonade and sweetener is always my go to.
10.What’s the beauty rule you preach, but never actually practice? I always tell my little sister to take her make up off before bed every night, but there have been days where I sleep in my make up and just wear it all day the next day
11.Which way do you face in the shower? I face the water when I wash my body and face, but face away when I wash my hair and shave
12.Do you have any weird body skills? no my body’s pretty boring, all I can do is put my feet behind my head
13.What’s your favorite comfortfood/food  thats bad but you love to eat it anyway? Deep Fried Pickles from Rutter gas station
14.What’s a phrase or exclamation you always say? I don’t say a phrase often, usually, I start saying hip lingo like “fleek” and “lit” ironically but then it slowly becomes meaningful haha
15. Time to sleep- what are you ACTUALLY wearing? I usually wear a bigger t-shirt that either mine that’s too big, or my boyfriends and depending on the weather sweatpants or Nike pros

***Don’t forget to check out Bubbly Bubbie Blog tomorrow for Day 16: What are your views on mainstream music*** I feel bad that she’s getting all the serious ones so show her some love too!

Bonus Day! Day 14: What is your earliest memory?

So Alisyn forgot to prepare for today so I’m filling in!

My earliest memory is something that I just was talking about with my boyfriend not too long ago. My earliest memory is from when I was three years old. I remember standing on the boardwalk in Ocean City Maryland. I have no idea who was standing around me, but we were on a family trip so I assume it was them. I remember standing on the wall along the edge of the sand where people sit. Wearing just a t-shirt over my bathing suit, and sandals. I remember jumping off the wall down into the sand. And that’s really it.. as a small child you can only remember so much. I know that day I got my stuffed white cat from the Kite Loft store. My Aunt had bought a stuffed animal for my two cousins and I. If I’m correct Andrew got a frog and Nicky got a dog. I still have that stuffed cat, she’s been through a lot with me and to this day sleeps in my bed every night.

Now, my mother remembers this event way better than I do. It was the first time her baby was at the beach. Actually, this summer when we were there for my 21st birthday she took me to the exact spot. It’s little things like that, that kids remember. I don’t remember anything thing else about my first trip to the beach, and I’m sure all of my family tried to make it something special. When all they needed to do was let me play in the sand and buy me a new toy to make me happy.

***Don’t forget to check out Bubbly Bubbie Blog Friday for Day 16: What are your views on mainstream music***