“I’m sorry your call has been disconnected”
My worst fear has become a sickening reality.
All of your verbal daggers visibly hanging out of my heart,
I lose my ability to breathe, to think, to feel anything
As I gaze around my bedroom, the photos cause the rain
of love to pour from my eyes.
My whole body shaking, shivering, I am stuck
in this moment with no control.
I feel my heart seeping out,
like a broken pen
in my pocket, staining me
with the memories I don’t want to feel.
What do I do now? Who do I call?
I lose myself in fear of loneliness.
With the tattoo of you on these years of my
life, I am no longer
settled with the idea of loneliness.
I know my mind is an impossible puzzle,
but my heart is far worse.
So do I dial that number burned into my brain?
I have very little faith you’ll be on the other end.
For fear of all this becoming to real,
I don’t hit call.
I leave you to extinguish your fire.
but with each moment passing,
I can’t resist poking
the bear. As the line rings,
this time my heart sinks
further into my stomach
with each passing second.
When it stops, I hold my breath,
as “I’m sorry” billows from the other line.
And in that moment, that’s all it takes
to end these minutes of madness.