The starchy smell of pasta fills this empty soul.
I breathe it in timidly, knowing what tonight has in store.
Red like the roses on the table, my face shows my fear,
a fear that’s lurking deep within my mind.
He sits my dinner in front of me,
alfredo sauce spilling over the edges
like a pool with too much water.
My stomach churning, I eat very little.
Fear of what is coming makes me ill.
He takes my hand for comfort as dinner concludes,
yet the main course still awaits.
More roses this time lying like a blanket,
candles giving off just enough light,
I begin to tremble and choke up.
Am I ready for this change?
He sees the hesitation in my eyes as tears begin to drop like rain.
Like a newborn baby being thrust into a world unknown,
I cry and breathe heavy in a panic.
Feeling scared and safe at the same time,
I fall deeper and deeper.
Nothing can harm me in his arms.
The only comforting thing is him talking me through this.
“It doesn’t have to happen yet,” he says.
If not now, when?
I calm down and decide I’m ready
to change my life forever.
I’m ready to risk everything
to be in this moment with him.
Do I want to let him use the sword
God gave him to
knight me and give me worth?
Should I let him finally make me a woman
in God’s eyes?
With an impulse I go forward
with the plans.
Tears being to trickle from my eyes again
as we finish the task at hand.
Heavy breaths, sweaty bodies,
and soft gazes exchanged, we lay in silence,
unsure of what we feel now.
The thing just occurred has blurred my mind.
Right now the only thing controlling me is my heart,
and the only thing I’m positive of is
that I don’t think I’ll ever love you anymore
than I do in this moment.