What my children will never experience

*Disclaimer: I love my parents, and this is no way against them. I am extremely grateful for the life I’ve been given because without all of my challenges I would not have become the strong, independent, young woman I am.

When you have divorced parents, parents that were never married, or just parents with a strained relationship dating can be a hard thing. You have little to no solid example of a successful relationship. I am one of these people. Often we enter relationships with the mindset that it probably won’t last and if it has the potential to last, we’ll go through with it feeling uncertain waiting for that straw to break the camels back, but that’s never stopped me from putting my self out there, searching for love, and trying to get a grasp on what it really feels like. If you happen to find that special someone who is a child of divorce, separation,or any type of break up, here are some things you gotta know. Most days I wish my boyfriend understood what some of these things feel like, but if he’ll never understand the feeling personally, at least I can try to explain.

    1. Honesty is the most important thing…even if it’s something we don’t want to hear. Never be passive-aggressive about anything and just keep it to yourself. We understand that bottling it all up can end up in disaster, rage, and spontaneous choices, so we’d rather you keep the peace by laying it all out on the table in a calm conversation. We’d gladly love to hear what you have to say, especially to avoid unnecessary tension and arguments.
    2. Next is commitment. Actions speak louder than words , which is why it’s important to be sure that you’re committed when entering a relationship with us. Fluffy nicknames and promises will be empty in our eyes, We want to feel the love daily, to make sure that it’s still there.
    3. Just Talk to us. The more you communicate, the easier it is for us to get to know who you really are, and once you feel comfortable let us into your heart, When you can open up is when we will also start to. We’d like you to be straightforward because it makes the relationship comfortable and balanced.
    4. We’ll be very loving. You’ll find that people like me will always want you to feel loved by keeping the spark in the relationship bright. We’ll freely give all our love and affection as a constant reminder of how much we love and care for you. And if you don’t reciprocate it or show appreciation we may begin to feel distant and unloved. So just show you love to us as much as you can.
    5. We’ll take care of you. We’ve taken good care of our parents during their times of pain, as well as our younger siblings. Those days where mom was at work and dad wasn’t around we may have had to step up into the role of parent. so we’ll do the same for you. We’ll be the first to buy ibuprofen when you feel a head ache coming on or send you funny memes via text whenever you’re going through a bad day. Maybe even cook you some food.
    6. We over-think things. Even if things are going right, we can’t help but be in doubt and in our head about every single thing. We’ll almost always think a little too deeply into things like harmless teasing or neutral statements or even one letter texts, don’t even get me started about those obviously generic tweets.We instantly think the worst and in turn can hurt not only ourselves but also you.
    7. We put effort into dating. We want you to feel appreciated, loved, and like your the luckiest person in the world so we’ll put a lot of thought into our dates and gifts for you, never minding going an extra mile to be romantic. We don’t want you to feel neglected because we understand that feeling all too well.
    8. We like confrontation. Seriously. Confrontation helps us to tackle any problems in a relationship and find a solution. Honestly our relationships feed off of arguments. We will get mad at the stupidest thing and end up causing a huge fight (see over thinking again haha) but It reassures us that the relationship will last, get through it, and helps us improve ourselves.
    9. We never want to put a child through this. I feel that this is the most important thing you need to know. MY child will never know what if feels like to go between homes, they will never know what its like to hear both sides of their parents story, they will never have to pick sides and then be made to feel guilty when the other parent isn’t happy, and they will NEVER ONLY HAVE ONE PARENT IN THEIR LIFE! If we’re going to marry and have children one day I don’t want them to feel any of these things. I deserved so much better than this, and my child is no different. So unless your in it for the long run take a hike.

I never want my child to know what any of these things, I just want them to be happy children without a care in the world about their parents relationship! That’s my biggest dream, to have children with the man I love and live happily ever after….. finally.

 

 

 

 

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One comment

  1. Nicole Weaver · February 21, 2016

    Beautifully said! This is literally like you read my mind 7 years ago! You know I have been there too any so has my husband. because we have both seen what are our parents went through and how we lived through it, it has made our relationship that much stronger! Having someone who understands what I have been through without speaking a word makes bonds us in a way that can’t be explained! Love you girl thank you for putting into word exactly how I feel

    Like

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